Meat is expensive. People have been complaining about the price of meat since meat was invented. Cavemen complained about it. The next evolution of Homo sapiens will complain about it. I also complain about it. I love complaining about it. I love walking through the grocery store and staring down at the steaks and shaking my head in disgust. I love catching the eye of another person by me and getting them to share in that misery...and they will. Everyone does.
The upside to meat being so expensive is that if you are lucky enough to go to the grocery store at the right time you can score meat when it has been discounted. The opposite of complaining is bragging and discount meat gives you ample opportunity for both. “You know how much I got that ribeye for? Just guess!” Sure, some of this meat is questionable. You have to learn how to tell the chicken breast that has been left out in the cereal aisle for four hours from the one that hasn’t. Through trial and error, I would say I have the equivalent of a post-doctoral degree in discount-meat-quality-predictive-sciences.
We have a deep freezer in our garage. This is pretty much a requirement if you’re going to buy discount meat. There is something about freezing it and pulling it back out that is like a baptism. It washes away all of the sins of questionable bacteria, at least it does in one’s mind. Recently, I had the opportunity to take a turkey out of this icy tomb and allow it to thaw over several days in my refrigerator.
I’ve heard people say it takes about a day for a turkey to thaw. I think it’s more like three or four. I waited for five and it was on this fifth day that the turkey decided to leak. You’re supposed to put meat at the bottom in case this happens so not sure why every refrigerator has the crisper drawers at the bottom. Either way, this turkey took the equivalent of an acre-sized garden of vegetables out, on its way to the oven. I was not very happy about this. You think meat is expensive? Brussels sprouts aren’t exactly cheap either.
The problem with owning a deep freezer is that when you put something into it the expiration date becomes null and void. A deep freezer is not magic. It is not absolute zero in there. It does not stop the aging process completely, but for some reason, we sure think it does.
As the turkey cooked the house began to smell like turkey cooking. Personally, I do not care for the smell of turkey. Truth be told, I don’t care for turkey at all, but it was time. It was time for this turkey to be cooked. I got it up to the proper temperature. Pulled it out of the oven. It was a good-looking turkey. Crispy skin on the outside. I let it rest, tented in aluminum foil for a while. Then I had to go back to work and forgot about it.
My wife calls down to me asking if she can carve it. I said go ahead. She calls back down. “Which part is dark meat?” I knew good and well she knew but I told her…”the breast”. An hour goes by and I come back to the kitchen. The turkey is still sitting there with just a big gash down the side. I ask why it was not carved. “I couldn’t find any white meat”. I thought that was absurd so I start carving the breast. I show it to my wife. She says, “It’s not white, it’s pink”.
Now, I know I have had turkey be a little pink before. I just figured she was being picky. I carved the rest of the breast and put it on a plate. I tried a little. It was fine. A little...tender...but not raw as she accused it of being. But then I watched in amazement as slowly all the meat started to sort of...melt. It was firm when I cut it but it lost shape and just melted into a pile of pink, protein mush. I then picked it up and threw the entire 16lb mass into the garbage.
As I started to think of what else to cook for dinner that evening a strange feeling overcame me. I felt guilty. Any normal person would have done the same thing and thrown this away. It was obviously inedible. My thoughts went to that poor turkey.
That turkey gave its life only to be purchased for pennies on the pound two weeks after Thanksgiving, three years ago. It then spent three years in a dark, cold, box in my garage to be pulled out and sit in another cold box, defrosting for five days. Then, to be yanked out and thrown in yet another box, this time hot, for hours, cooking. Roasting. To be stabbed and carved and then thrown in the trash and spend all of eternity in a bag. Just one lonely, mutilated turkey, floating in an infinite sea of other bags.
I was really upset when that turkey ruined all of the vegetables in my crisper drawer but as I look back on the event, allowing my vegetables to be sacrificed for that poor animal was probably the least I could do. Thank you, turkey, for the humility. Also, a friendly reminder, clean out your deep freezer at least once a year.