You know that old church secretary? Got that beehive hairdo? I don’t trust nobody with no damn beehive on their head…never know what’s gonna fly out of that thing.

Well, she came round here today wanting to sell us some dang encylopedias for kids. I said what the hell is that? Like some sort of coloring book or something? Naw, it’s just written for a kid, ain’t all boring, and the text is a little bigger…said it was good reading for old folks too and they didn’t have to use their reading glasses.

I’m thinking, man, folks must not be putting their share to the lord in the offering plate if she’s coming ‘round here to sell me some damn books. I already knew she was selling jelly and vegetables to folks when they’d go up to the church but I just thought she had a good garden…even though her sweet corn wasn’t worth a damn. I tell you, next time I’m an usher I’m gonna keep an eye out for who ain’t putting their money in…and I got a good idea or two about who it might be.

I told her to come on back in a few hours when the wife got home from work…said I wasn’t allowed to make decisions on the finances like that and if I did it’d be a big shit storm…Really I didn’t want to shell out no ten dollars a book on a bunch of crap the kids ain’t never gonna read.

Don’t get me wrong…I’m all for reading…but I’m all for them kids riding their asses down to the library on their bicycles…just as long as they wear their helmet ‘cause that’s the law and I ain’t paying no ticket either. They hate it too, wearing them helmets, which makes me like it more.

“Deddy, I don’t want to wear my helmet!” “Deddy, I look like an idiot”

And I just tell ‘em to hush and kinda smile…cause they do look like idiots with them big ol’ helmets on their head…but I’d rather be wearing that than a damn beehive hairdo…