We got that new dollar store over there by the highway. You know the one I’m talking about? I think a bunch of gypsy’s run the place...The one with the big yellow sign that always smells like damn toilet cleaner...I don’t know what it is about them places...they always smell like that or some damn air freshener or something...you get in there and smell all that and think, damn, I got to go to the bathroom now...like some sort of subliminal message or something…
Then you get into the bathroom and it’s nasty. You got an entire store that smells like a bathroom and then you go into the bathroom and there’s pee all over the floor and no toilet paper and it smells awful. I tell you, I don’t trust places like that...but the kids sure love ‘em...they spend their entire damn allowance in there...they go in there and buy all kinds of junk they don’t need.
The other day they came home with a bag full of off-brand candy bars from there...spent all their money on ‘em. I was kinda pissed off they spent all their money on candy...but it’s theirs...they did all their chores and moved all the firewood down to the house fair and square...so I couldn’t yell at ‘em...as much as I wanted too. Instead I told ‘em they couldn’t eat all that candy cause it’d ruin dinner...not that I really care...but their momma would have a fit if they didn’t eat all their carrot sticks and hot dogs.
I put the candy on top of the refrigerator and waited for them to go to bed...then I decided I better test the candy out...never know what them gypsy’s down at that dollar store put in that candy...so I sit down on the sofa and open up one of them candy bars...the chocolate looked all old and grey like it had been sitting in there for ten years but the store hadn’t been open for more than two so I figured it was fine...I’ll be got damned if that candy bar didn’t taste just like damn toilet cleaner…
I about spit that candy out on the floor but I didn’t want the dog to eat it ‘cause chocolate will kill ‘em...so I held it in my mouth and walked to the bathroom to spit it out...but the minute I got in there the candy wasn’t so bad anymore ‘cause the bathroom smelled like toilet cleaner...so I guess the moral of the story is...if you’re gonna buy candy from a gypsy...eat it in the bathroom.