Lorraine “Cupcake” Giles’ husband, Tony “Duke” Giles, died in March, three months before their 35th wedding anniversary. They had planned on going to Branson, Missouri for a long weekend of sightseeing and amateur theatre. Tony “Duke” was a retired drama teacher from Julep Comprehensive High School. He often wore a beret and had both ears pierced but only wore a stud in one of them. “I think to be cool you can only wear one...Not sure what the cool ear is so I alternate…don’t want the holes to close up.”
Lorraine never had a desire to go to Branson. She thought they should do something more meaningful for such a momentous anniversary than listen to a bunch of cheesy show tunes. “I get enough of that every night when “Duke” fires up that blasted keyboard”. She had wanted to go to Hawaii. She had never been there before but had dreamed about it since she was a young girl. She had figured they’d never end up there in her lifetime, because in addition to her husband being incredibly stubborn he was also incredibly cheap. “Why would I pay that much to go somewhere? If I wanted to look at a volcano I could make one out of baking soda and vinegar.”
Everything had changed on account of Tony “Duke” dropping dead of a heart attack in the narthex of Julep First Baptist. “He was supposed to be an usher that morning and right before the offertory, the Good Lord called him back...kinda hard to be sad about it since he died in the church...God must have been short staffed that morning.”
Lorraine decided to still celebrate her 35th Anniversary. It was her turn now. Tony was gone. So off to Hawaii she went…carting some of Tony’s ashes along with her in a blue mason jar. They had a lovely time. The pineapples and Pacific breezes transformed her soul. She loved everything about Hawaii…except for the Hawaiians. “They don’t talk like me. They don’t look like me. That makes me nervous.” If only the people of Julep inhabited the islands it would truly be a paradise. Lorraine knew that was absurd, besides half the population of Julep couldn’t swim…so she decided to bring paradise home with her. A little piece of Hawaii in the middle of Georgia. Perhaps a restaurant. And so “Lorraine’s Luau” was born.
With the small amount of life insurance she received from Tony's departure and a few extra pennies she got from selling off his beloved keyboards to some eager thespian colleagues, she opened her tropical-themed restaurant in the old Willis building. She bought all kinds of tiki torches, surfboards, and sculptures to line the walls. Patrons would even get a complimentary grass skirt and lei with $20 purchase. At first, the reception was widely received. Lorraine’s Luau even gave The Big Pig Bar & Grill a run for their money, but attendance started dropping off when folks realized the Khaula Pork was made in a crockpot, the Poi was really just mashed potatoes, and the Mai Tai’s were made from cheap wine because she failed to get a liquor license.
“Why do I got to get a license to make a drink? I already got one to drive and it ain’t like you can do the two together.”
After six months Lorraine had blown through all of Tony’s life insurance money. The bank took the property back. With nothing more than a few bucks to her name Lorraine had to move all the junk back to her house and commenced weekly yard sales of plastic pineapples and coconut brassieres to make ends meet. “At least I got enough frozen pork butts for the rest of my life..heck that’s kinda paradise in itself.” As for the shuttered restaurant, a group of thespians opened a Branson themed playhouse and cafe in it’s space which has done quite well…or as well as things can go in the old Willis Building…until the money runs out.