Wife comes home around supper time and we all sit down…I tell you it never fails either that damn phone rings or someone knocks on the door…guess who? It’s that old church secretary at the door…beehive hairdo… wanting to know if we want to buy them kids encyclopedias. I’m like, look lady, can’t you see we just sat down to eat our hotdogs and carrot sticks…but I didn’t causeshe was a church lady and last thing I need is it getting round that I was mean to her…that and if she’s selling damn encyclopedias for extra money she’d probably want to come in and eat all our hotdogs and carrot sticks any damn way.
She comes in and get’s the kids and the wife all sold on these damn books. Says it will be good for their learning. They got ones full of science crap and ones full of history, and ones just full of stories…I pick up the one on anatomy thinking maybe there’d at least be some naked pictures in there…naw…just damn cartoons…what a rip off…Ha! My hotdogs getting cold and I’m just staring at the new Tandy computer we got down at the radio shack wondering what the hell that was for…supposed to be able to talk to some computer in china and read books over there if we want…Why in the hell do we need this?…but what’s the use in arguing…the wife and the kids were sold so who gives a shit what I think?
Two weeks later this big ol’ box of these books show up. The kids take ‘em out, read about two words in each one and they just throw’em on the floor like everything else we buy. Mess, mess, mess…but it feels a lot better stepping on one of those than a lego so it didn’t bother me. Of course the wife see’s this mess and I got to build a book case for ‘em. I said can’t we just put them in the box and I’ll sneak ‘em up to the attic when the kids are asleep. Out of site out of mind?
Oh no! Can’t do that. Why not? Kid’s aint never gonna read them. Oh yes they are. Ok. Yes dear. Whatever you want.
Really I think it’s cause she don’t want to admit that it was a dumb idea to buy the books in the first place from ol’ beehive hairdo. I tell you what, when I find out whose been skimping out on the offering plate I’m gonna give them a beehive black eye…
Stories and Art From The South...