As told by The Captain.
Grandma Walker invited us over to dinner the other night. Called me up and said she was making some beef stew from scratch. Normally I wouldn’t go over to some old ladies house to eat dinner because everybody knows old ladies don’t clean out their refrigerator that often...which means they cook with stuff that’s way past it’s prime...you know how these old lady types are...they lived through the damn depression so they’re always holding on to anything they can...rotten or not they’ll save it and eat it...and then when you yell at them about it they get all mad and give some lecture about how they had to eat dirt and turnips when they were a kid…
Between you and me...I’d rather eat dirt and turnips than eat rotten food from some old ladies refrigerator.
I went ahead and told her we’d come over for dinner. I had helped her replaced her old refrigerator last week and made sure everything that was in it got thrown away so I wasn’t too worried about her accidentally poisoning us with rotten meat or something...I ain’t never had beef stew from scratch before...but I know the wife don’t care for it at all...so I figured that’d make it even more fun to watch her suffer through the whole thing.
We get over there and she’s got this thing going in her slow cooker...she dishes it out and we eat it...and it wasn’t that bad...but it wasn’t that good...it just kinda was...if you know what I mean. I had expected a lot more from something that was made from scratch. We sat around for a while and went through all the boring dinner conversation until I decided I better start cleaning up so we could get the hell out of there.
I take up all the plates and grab all the napkins to throw them in the trash can while the women are gabbing...and wouldn’t you know that ol’ Grandma had a couple of empty cans of beef stew hidden in her trash. From scratch my ass! I dug them suckers out and asked ol’ Grandma straight out if she just dumped them cans in that slow cooker to make us think she had been cooking all day…
Let me tell you...if you find something in an old ladies trash can...just go ahead and leave it be...because if you don’t...you may find yourself eating dirt and turnips before you ever get any damn beef stew again.
